I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
