you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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