she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
