Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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