literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
