I just cut my nipple shaving
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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