i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
