Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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