Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
