I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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