Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
