My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
