i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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