girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
