i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
