Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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