Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
