she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
