My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
