i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
