dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
