Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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