I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They are going to name an STD after you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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