she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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