She's JV to your varsity
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
