i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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