In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
