And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize