Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
