just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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