can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
