i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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