Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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