Pappa wants mamma naked
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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