Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
