do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
