I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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