Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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