My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
