I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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