Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
