Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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