ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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