Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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