This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
