Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
