I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
