Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
