I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was like eating out sand paper
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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