I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
