Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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