Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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