I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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