using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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